The Truth about Love and Events

By Gail S. Bower

Annual events and festivals are like love relationships. Easy to take for granted, impossible to control, magic when they work, and sometimes baffling without a decoder ring when they don’t.

Excellent wretch! Perdition catch my soul,
But I do love thee! and when I love thee not,
Chaos is come again.

From Othello, Act III, Scene iii

Some events, like Woodstock, are one-night stands that should not be repeated (remember the 30th Anniversary disaster?), while some you grow old with (think New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival, Monterey Jazz Festival, The Van Cliburn International Piano Competition, the Superbowl, for example). Sometimes we’re attracted to an event, but then we’re fickle. Or the event just doesn’t feel right. Or we’ve found a new one.

The truth is events are organic, evolving life forms. Just like relationships. They need cultivation. They teach us. We give them shape. Then attendees show up and that shape evolves still more.

In honor of Valentine’s Day

While I’ll leave relationship advice to Dr. Phil and Oprah, I offer you the real deal about these event myths and a few choice Shakespearean quotes to put you in the mood.

Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

From Sonnet 116

Myth #1   The passion will last forever.

Nothing lasts forever. In my experience during the last 22 years and with more than 120 events under my belt — ranging from small press conferences and product launches to major national festivals and even both of former President Clinton’s Inaugurations — the first year is the dream year, the honeymoon. After that, you bring the passion—just like in relationship

Myth #2 I’ll be happy when I have the perfect one.

Newsflash: there is no such thing as the perfect one! And if there were, just imagine what a boring event it would be. Events are chaotic—at least if people attend them. The best you can do is create programming that sells tickets, plan, prepare, and provide services that reasonably accommodate your attendees. 

Your systems and procedures all will be tested when the doors or gates open, and from that moment on, you make your best decisions, continue to be responsive, and heck, have some fun! A new dynamic occurs when ‘the other’ (attendees) shows up that to some extent is out of your control. Show up, be present, and co-create. Just like in relationship.

Myth #3  I had no idea that he/she was unhappy!

You’ve heard these stories where the couple splits up, and the one dumped is dumbfounded. How can this be? (I’ll bet Dr. Phil has a thing or two to say!) One word: denial.

Some event producers do the same thing. They like to pretend it’s the early days of the event, the honeymoon days, when things were clicking along, and money is pouring in.

But they forgot to notice as the decades wore on that times changed, musicians passed on, the neighborhood’s demographics changed, new technology emerged, or whatever. Then they wake up one day, fretting. Attendance has petered. Revenue declined. The buzz is gone. What do we do now?

Smart producers see the trends ahead of time and start planning early. 

Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin
As self-neglecting.

From Henry V, Act II, Scene iv

Myth #4  If he/she would only change.

It’s so easy to blame the other person, isn’t it? Sometimes what’s really needed is to just take a look at ourselves. Or, in the case of your event, our practices.

By nature, humans seek security, comfort, and safety. Events and relationships have in common an ungraspable essence or energy, ambiguity, and sometimes chaos—not very comfortable concepts for those of us humans who long for definition, clarity, and order, right?

So, we toil away, consciously and unconsciously, to make things safe and orderly. And sometimes, we get into this habit for a very long time till one day we realize something has changed with our event. 

Some event producers keep doing the same thing but with more gusto. Some come up with great ideas that solve the wrong problems. Some give up. 

The successful ones accept what is happening—the climate, the conditions, the problems, and all the good things—and seek to understand what else they can do to improve their own practices, to grow and evolve.

Myth #5   Surely I can do better.

We live in a throwaway society — at least until the already tiresome “go green” marketing messages kick in and change human behavior — and that includes human relationships, too.

Yeah, sure, if the relationship is abusive or truly doesn’t work, get out. In the words of an Oprah magazine headline: “If the Horse is Dead, Get Off.” Same with your event. 

But just like in relationships, our events work on us as we work on them. We evolve. We grow. We explore new ideas. We let go and accept. And sometimes we fight, kicking and screaming. As my therapist friend Barbara reminded me once, “There’s a thin line between love and hate.” All in all, she said, she’d rather be with her partner than not.

If you’re event no longer works or pleases you, maybe you’re no longer working on it. How can you spice things up?

Call Gail Bower at 215/922-6937 if you need help spicing up your event or festival. As for spicing up your relationship, check local newsstands. I’m sure Cosmopolitan magazine’s got a few tips for you.

Originally published in BowerPower Papers, February 14, 2008, Volume 3 Issue 1.